Sweet Gay’s Victim

Of course,  on the 4th of every month is an anniversary.  It’s our
friendship anniversary, not my marriage.  I didn’t realize it until
last night. I totally forgot about it. Hope our friendship lasts
forever. Thanks for keeping me company. Though we have not seen each
other. You are like my Dad, brother and of course above all, you are my
FRIEND!! Freunde Bleiben!! 

Today, I had quite a bad
day. Someone was criticizing Tokio Hotel and I had to fight back. It’s
not nice when I have to scold others. I just want them to understand
that nobody is perfect. Every band have their strength and weaknesses.
I never want to criticize other band. But, when it comes to people
criticizing my favorite band, I get too angry and emotional. I hope
this kind of things just won’t ever happen again. I don’t like it. I
had loved Tokio Hotel I am loving Tokio Hotel and I will always love
Tokio Hotel. Live the Tokio Hotel world!! Tokio Hotel forever!!

wolfgang

On Thursday (24 Juli 2008), I went to watch Prom Night with Shirleen and Fida. We went to Tiong Bahru Golden Village. The movie was damn nice. Especially the part when they play the Tokio Hotel Song - By Your Side. The sad thing about the movie is that loads of cute guys died in the end. Even Nash!! NO!! So have you though of who is going to be your Prince Charming on the Prom Night? 

Today, I realized that you create too much trouble for yourself. Imagine how much trouble will your family get into when you are older. I think you should reflect on it honey. Its true that you gave me false hope. You cheated my feelings. And I will never forget what you did to me. What had happened between us will always be in my heart. Though you are not here with me, you are always in my heart. We’ll  stay forever this way. We’ll be free to live our lives. No one can disturb us now..

fatiN

It seems that the more I love you, the more I realized that it is totally impossible between us. You are like the Sky and I’m like the Earth. We can never be together as one. We are not the sea and the beach that can never part. Each day, we are drifting away. This is why I say Relationship is confusing. At one time you love that someone at another you just fucking hate him like hell! You proved to me that you are some Stupid Jerk though I tried not to believe in it the first time. When things just don’t go the usual way, I just hope that I can still be the Angel that protects you. My world is breaking down.

wolfgang

I think I love you. I can’t possibly deny it. It’s so hard to lie to myself. I admit I still love you. The more I thought of hating you. Actually it made me want to love you deeper and more.

I don’t know how you are feeling right now but…
I know I can’t think of anything else but you.
I have been dreaming of you.
I’ve thought for a long time.
Have I done something wrong again?
I wish I could become that angel you love in that fairytale.
You must believe.

Promise me that you believe.
I Love You

My Sweet Gay is actually a Stupid Jerk. It was so unbelievable. I can’t believe it you did those stuffs. I thought you were a nice Sweet Gay. Like what I said, my heart always praises you. Sometimes even too high. Now, I’m wrong. So it’s true then what people say. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Even my mom said it two weeks back. He look obedient but look at his behavior. I didn’t believe it because my heart was blinded by your love.I ignored every critics about you. Just to prove my faithfulness. In the end, it’s all just rubbish. Indeed for you. If I had known this. I will never have fallen for a Jerk. Now that I’m addicted to you. I can’t do anything but wait for what will happen next. You and me, we are drifting apart each moments. We will never be together. Even if I beg your heart. I know it will never happen. But there’s one thing you need to know. I had loved you. I am loving you. And i will always love you. You are carved in my heart.

You are not meant for me but I am happy to have known you and tried to love you.

wolfgang

I was chosen for a program run by Students Care Service entitled Love
Express. At first, I couldn’t accept the fact that I was chosen. The
reason is simply I don’t like talking about Love to adults. I know I
have loads of problem. I hate Counseling sessions. The Counselor will
definitely make me cry. They will ask a lot of questions that will make
me cry. Now, I just hope that the program will benefit me and that
maybe it’s good for me.

As for the incident that happened
last week, I just feel like running somewhere high at the same time
near the sea. The sound of the sea is the best piece of music in my
Life (besides Tokio Hotel!!). As for the height, people say that you
can think through a lot of opinions at different angle. As long as you
don’t look down, you’ll be safe.  Every day I see my Sweet Gay. How can
I try to forget about him when I see him so often. It will make me take
back my words. i admit I still like him. However I am also trying my
very best to forget about everything in the past. We cannot live for
the past but to live for the upcoming. I’ve had enough of him. I don’t
want anything similar to repeat.

I wanna go back to those times!!!

wolfgang

   Everything happened in a blink and i was writing the 4th incident
report for the year. I know it was all my fault. I started it. I
thought it was all one big joke. Because of a small deal i made with
Fina, my life isn’t the same like before.

                     
Wolfgang. A name I was so interested in, had caused me the biggest
trouble in my life. Wolfgang, German name and they thought it was a
gang. Everyone lose trust in me. There’s no use crying over spilled
milk. All that I can do now is to learn from it and never repeat.

                     
I knew he isn’t a Nasty Gang Member. After all, he is my Sweet Gay. No
matter how much I Love him, it is hard for me to believe in him again
after the incident. The fear, the worries, the threat, and many other
illusions of death, haunt me. Every human make mistakes, why can’t
anyone understand that?

                      "A girl, once damage is a permanent damage." The line kept running in and out of my mind.

                   
He isn’t what I want. The Sweet Gay would never threaten me. I
remembered those times. He was all the things that I wanted. His smile,
the sweetest. His face, the cutest. He was the coolest among the
Idiots. His words, are the only line I memorized. My heart always
praises him. Sometimes too much.I love him, though nobody knows about
it.

                    Every tears, I gave up for this story.
Sometimes I smile. But inside, I am crying. He is the Star in me. The
one who pulled me up every time i fall. Now, what’s left are just the
memories. I remember when we laughed at everything we were talking
about.

                   I have to let him go and forget his
smile. I know it’s not easy to forget those things that have been
graven eternally. I am trying to turn away from his love. It’s our
fate, our story won’t last. Never call my name if we meet some other
day. This rose is fading ’cause it belongs to nobody.

Goodbye my unrevealed love

    Bill so sexy!!                                    

    So pretty!! even though 
    he’s a male